Do you have a day, that all day long you think what will you do at the end of it, just for yourself, and then you start and nothing go as you plan? My day is like that today. My 2.5 year old Lana did make me an illustration in my art journal, it was a frog. I did see when she did draw it a big frog smile and two big eyes and it was in pink oil pastel. Then I turn the page and I did see an really interested lady and I did start playing, but the colors was wrong, no, I did a huge mess with my drawing next to her. Yes, total mess, and at the end I did spend a few coats of color on top of it and it is still a crappy ugly illustration. So, yes, I did play but it looks like I wasn’t really there.
So for today just one ugly picture, and that’s enough I think. Lately it happen to me a lot; All day long and even at night I think about myself doing fun stuff with my colors, and at the end of the day I’m totally loosed. I think I’m morning person, but this last 5 years I don’t sleep as I should, the kids are my reason for that. I somehow need my empty space next to me and I’m always the last person in our house up and somehow not sleeping and first one up, and at the morning the life is happening, so no room for myself and the stuff that I wanted to do.
I also have a funny habit (a new one), and I don’t know from where it is, but if I’m watching on YouTube some artsy stuff or if I read a book about a technique or something, I wake up with that stuff in my mind like I already did it, just I don’t have anything on my table. But my brain already did that work for me, but at the end of the day I’m disappointed, because late at night I don’t remember it anymore. Where did my making gone just a few hours letter? It’s strange. Maybe I just need to found the way to brake this and to start doing really early in the morning, like before the birds are up. That could be good, just don’t know how I could sleep enough. But hey just for second imagine, what I could do if I could do just the thinks that did make me happy when I did make them in a sleep? Magic. My boss did tell me once that my subconscious is stronger then me. If this is true how could I start listen to it, how could I just became a player and the thing will whisper what to do?
Sometimes I see art with a lot of paint and stitches and really so nice pieces I can’t believe. But look my real what I do in person? Crap. Is there really the inner voice, I never believe in it, but I do love other people stories about this, they are so powerful.
PS I didn’t play with my art doll, it’s still unfinished, but I did play with a shoe design a little. So for tomorrow I have a plans for one month at least; and at the end of the day I maybe won’t have nothing to show. Yes, this is the reality but my inner word is so much richer and happier and simple too.
Lets try today too. 10 minutes of art book, and see how crafty I will wake up. Good night (I write this late at night too), and picture I will make in the morning.
This post is linked with Art Every Day Month 2013